Why Did My Soul Choose This Life?

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In online sources and in personal conversations we often hear people saying that their soul chose this life in order to help them grow, or to learn something that had to be learned.

But what does this mean when it comes to people who have suffered horrible travesties? Did they really choose to endure these traumas and horrendous experiences in order to grow? In this post I go through my beliefs on this topic.

Key Points

  • Your soul may have chosen aspects of this life, but not all of it.
  • The interaction between souls makes it impossible to determine exactly how those traumas will play out.
  • Free will exists – up to a point – and this means your path is not pre-mapped. Therefore, it’s perfectly possible that you did, in fact, not choose this life.
  • Just because you believe your soul chose this life, don’t be afraid to seek help for the trauma you’ve experienced.

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soul chose these experiences

Do Souls Pick Their Lives?

Firstly, it’s difficult to ascertain for sure whether there’s any evidence of your soul choosing these experiences. There’s some evidence that reincarnation may in fact be real – and that leads us to a reasonable conclusion that when we come back we might have something to learn from our return.

And if we have something to learn from our return, it’s not too far a step to decide that we could choose what it is we wish to learn in this lifetime. From there, we can logically follow that yes then, your soul did in fact choose these experiences.

But that’s not really the whole picture is it? Because it seems unlikely that people would choose the horrendous experiences we sometimes hear about. And by telling everyone who’s been abused or suffered terribly that “Its OK, your soul chose this” is akin to victim blaming.

You can’t complain or seek help about your traumatic experiences because your soul chose it. That’s blatantly not true for everyone. It may be true for some people, but it’s certainly not for everyone.

Why Is It Not True That We Chose These Experiences?

Firstly, we have to say we do believe that souls can choose their experiences up to a point. In much the same way that you, as a physical being, can choose where you decide to go for your vacation. You plan your experiences beforehand, determining which locations you wish to visit, what activities you will do when you get there. But sometimes things outside of our control seek to ruin the experience. It might be other people, or it might be the weather itself.

Soul Choosing Denies The Existence Of Others’ Free Will

But, just like when we choose our holiday destination, some of those experiences are affected by other people’s exercising of their own free will (for a better in depth explanation of this see our article about destiny vs. free will). If everyone has the right to free will, then it stands to reason that no matter what our soul chose to experience, it could be interfered with by someone else exercising their free will. And sorry, but some people are just nasty and want to pass on their hurt to you.

Saying That Your Soul Chose Is A Form Of Spiritual Bypassing

Simply accepting that our soul chose these experiences is a form of spiritual bypassing too. It allows us to put our traumas and experiences behind us without dealing with them. We tell ourselves it’s all OK because our soul chose this experience and so it must be ‘all part of the plan’. But even that’s flawed because if part of the reason our soul chose to experience these horrible things is to grow and learn, then we mustn’t just brush them aside as ‘our souls choice’.

We must instead deal with the issues that these traumas and injustices have brought into our lives.


Whilst it’s possible that our soul did indeed choose the experiences, it’s certainly not the case that it did so in order to destroy the joy of life that the experiencer will feel. And this means that if someone is deeply disturbed by those experiences it’s likely that they did not choose them.

In simple terms what this means is that if you’ve had terrible experiences and deep down you believe, yourself, with no outside influence, that your soul chose them – then that’s a distinct possibility. But, and this is important, if you’re in conversation with someone else who had horrific experiences it is never appropriate to tell the other person that they chose it. You can suggest they may have chosen the experiences in a way that leads them to investigate the possibility, but it will not help the person to just be blatant about it without any context.

What is vitally important if someone has been abused or experienced other traumatic life events is that they get professional, qualified help to get through this difficult time. Blaming them by saying they chose it is not helpful. You cannot know that, so don’t tell them that. They may (or may not) discover they chose it during counselling or spiritual regression or something similar but it is never acceptable for you to tell them because you simply don’t know.

You Can (And Should) Still Seek Help

Even if you believe your soul chose these experiences in life which have left you feeling raw, hurt, abused or traumatised, it’s still important to seek help for them. You shouldn’t struggle alone to try to find answers to why these things happened to you, what you can learn (if anything) or more importantly how to heal from the experiences. Sometimes an external professional assistant is necessary.

Professional help will help you deal with the emotions that arise from trying to reconcile what happened to you with your feelings and emotions for that event. It’s important that you seek professional help for traumas experienced.

Remember 3D World Is Different To Soul World

Even if we accept that everyone chose the experiences they’ve been through (which is possibly true up to a point, at some level) it’s important to remember that our 3D perspective is very different to that of the soul realm. What hurts us does not hurt the soul necessarily. And sometimes what doesn’t hurt us does hurt the soul.

What this means is that the you, as the soul, may have chosen the experiences before you were born. But that does not make them any less painful or damaging to your body and mind because they inhabit this limited 3D realm and they’ve forgotten the reasons for why you might have chosen the path you’re on.


Sometimes souls do choose the experiences we have in our life. But sometimes the soul’s choice is overridden by other’s free will. This means that although the soul chose a particular pathway before they were born, something changed along the way. Something may have gone wrong and the trauma ended up being considerably worse than the soul had chosen.

Anyone who’s ever had a holiday ruined by other people’s actions should be able to see how this works. Nobody chooses to have their holiday destroyed by drunks throwing up on their hotel doorstep. And souls don’t choose some of the traumas that people have experienced in their lives.

If you’ve shared your harrowing story online only for someone to tell you that you chose it, remember they (probably) said this with truth and love in their heart but they don’t understand that just because someone chose the beginning of the scenario they are responsible for how it worked out. Please do seek help if you need it – we all choose things that don’t turn out as we expected and need help sorting out.

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Thank you for reading and love and light to you all.